FALLING UPRIGHT

ONGOING

ARCHIVE

Life begins and ends in the unconscious; the actions we carry out while fully lucid are only little islands in an archipelago. 

No existence can be completely rendered in its happiness or its madness without taking into account oneiric experiences.*1

it is

 a creation / a vision 

marked by abstraction or release from reality

it comes true

Was it ever not true? 

something remarkable

a strong desire

something that fully satisfies me 

while sleeping 

while sleeping

i had a series of thoughts, 

images, 

emotions 

i indulge my fantasies

i IMAGINE a possibility : 

Dear dreams, 

floating around, hiding somewhere, appearing randomly,  

 Should I talk with you or about you?

because you seem to be a form of life.

Have we talked too much about you?

i don’t think so 

not enough

I feel the need to speak to you as an entity, an assembled but knotted creature

in which threads of near and distant memories tangle and untangle themselves. 

it is an intelligence that sometimes seems foreign, coming from... where are you coming from?

it might be very close, it might be remote… 

if for a moment during wakefulness everything was a dream

how would this whole thing we are living be?

And how do I explain to myself that what I am living is not a dream?

I look at my hands

and then I see yours 

and they still the same

and i jump three times and i

remember that

"dreams are like tofu"

and i take the metro

and i go to work 

suddenly i forgot about all this

but then you visit me at night

i lost i won i got scared

don’t tell me about it

or …

maybe now i want to know

I fabricate a nightmare

I get eaten, I get killed, I cry, I suffer, did I die?

no

I was just preparing myself

I was practising

I live with my family or

I'm visiting my grandmother's house or

maybe I am on vacation or

all of these options at once, which keep changing.

There are three small furry dogs running around...

I seek privacy in a room,

I am naked and I start moving furniture around,

a sofa, mattresses, pillows…

There is a knock on the door.

My grandmother wants to watch TV while she waits for the guests, 

I let her in, because… I like the idea of watching TV with my grandmother.

But finally I go to the courtyard,

where the three little dogs are,

two of them kind of jump on me,

but

one of them, white and hairy, starts to "mate" with my leg. 

He gets a little annoying, so I kick him to get him off me.

suddenly the third puppy,

which is grey and super cute,

appears in the picture again, 

And it looks like he is getting softer and softer,

and I can feel how he smells,

it is like shampoo, like the hair of a new doll.

The transformation continues

until he becomes a kind of koala

and hugs me. 

After that, the transition is confusing, 

We are playing a video game 

I don't know which one or how it is supposed to be played. 

The little koala dog talks to me: he says something like:

“ I need to have some tea to keep playing!” 

and I answer:

Is chamomile tea okay?

You know how to be a high precision mechanism. 

Your solutions are decipherable in multiple registers, provided you work on constantly shifting the usual angle of vision. 

Brilliant wordplay, images connected to each other like a braided bridge over trauma, 

an ellipse, 

i forget you, 

this recovered memory says exactly what, in a constant way, I refuse in the everyday.*2

You constitute one of the first personal stories of which we have a written trace. 

You precede the novel which, in turn, links the real with interiority. 

However, by placing yourself always in the "night" of reason, you are linked to the territory of confession, of presage, and you are invested with a dimension charged with occult powers. you offer to the merchants of power, of belief, a limitless surface to exploit. 

I may be able to manipulate the ghosts, but I cannot act on you. Is there nothing left to do but confess?*2

To remember you is to consent to be in the presence of that which questions me.*2

you certify the value of a life. You validate the actions of the characters, their thoughts, their doubts, their ideals. It is the scene on which their interrogations and their tears appear. Room of echoes of the inner voice, it opens in the legend. the space of the marvellous which is also that of the monstrous.*2

What if we could summon a vaster intelligence of perception, which overflows consciousness on all sides?

That which informs your intelligence, and of which angels and geniuses are late and masterful figurations, 

It would be like an ever-renewed call towards a conversion, whose possibilities of creation will be a constant challenge to the programmed closing of limitless horizons.*2

Hearing without Sound?

Some dream speaking/sounding is clearly aural while other such

phenomena is less so. For example, there are the words or phrases

that come that are simply understood with little or no overt sonic

content. One is aware of the words and the meanings during the

dream or upon awakening, without necessarily being cognisant of

the sounds of these words.

For example, I know my grandmother was communicating with me

in my last night's dreaming. But now that I think about it, I realise

it was coming on what might be called a telepathic level rather than

with audible words.*3

I once traveled back in time

to prevent my parents from meeting

at a Californian party

I gave my mother tongue kisses

like that exotic species of flies

that lay their eggs in people's ears.

I wanted to nest in her brain

so she would stop being just my mother

to become a celebrated lesbian poet

with fever-colored eyes, convulsive beauty

and a fragility disguised with eccentric stagings

who would declaim elegies to her unborn daughter

before an audience of lizards

who would abandon their skin in the bath

and would fill her bathtub with cheap wine

and compliments

and laudatory phrases

and dead poodles embalmed with black olives

and reheated food in little plastic saucers

and I didn't like

the whole time-traveling thing

 in economy class

*1 - P.B.Preciado "Un departamento en Urano"

*2 - Modified texts based on Anne Dufourmantelle "La inteligencia del sueño"

*3 - IONE "Listening in dreams"

Translation of "Volver al futuro" by Ana Llurba "Este es el momento exacto en que el tiempo empieza a correr"